To Go or Not To Go

I got my acceptance to the study abroad in Italy while I was sitting in the Gordon's dining hall stuffing my face. I had again taken the self protection form of trying to forget everything about going to Italy. I checked my email and there it was; the acceptance letter. You would think that I started crying because of joy, but that's just what I told everyone afterwards. I called my mom to tell her the news and she seemed to know that I was on the verge of another panic attack. This whole journey seemed to be just me pushing myself to do something I knew that I wanted to do but that my body was telling me I very much didn't want. Then again something as simple as driving myself to the mall could make me panic so I ignored what my body was telling me because...well, it obviously doesn't know what's good for it. A week after my acceptance I had to pay the acceptance fee for going. You know when you get an acceptance to a college and you have to pay 20 dollars to accept the fact that you were accepted? That's the same as this thing only it was 300 dollars! The only way I could pay it was by taking it out of my savings; which was more than half of what I had saved. I did it though because it was still my dream to go even though it was also my worst nightmare at the same time. Then about a week after that I got an email saying that we could start buying our plane tickets. "plane tickets?", I thought. "But I haven't gotten my financial aid yet!" Believe it or not they expected me to just have 1500 dollars just lying around; which might have been do-able for everyone else except for me. I'm broke! I've always been broke! I started to think that I would have to drop out of the program. Instead I decided to apply for another credit card. This credit cards limit was exactly 1500 dollars so I couldn't buy a ticket for any more than that. Turns out that I get a discount when buying plane tickets because I'm a student. What's really crazy is that the major reasons why I questioned whether I should or shouldn't go was all because of the school thinking I had more money than I did...not that I wasn't used to that by now. Or at least, I should be used to it by now.